black clouds loomed over me since yesterday...
uncertainity was what i've felt...
yesterday big brother called me and mummy to his room...
i was overwhelmed with a feeling that something was not right...
the vibes were getting stronger as i sat in the chair in front of him...
he spoke and hinted to me and mummy that
there might be some changes...
he told me to be strong and keep the team running...
at first i thought he must be kidding...
is there something going on?...
why is he saying all this?...
my mind was running wild...
my brain was shouting what's happening...
can someone explain to me...

then big brother say..."investigation...HR...
i need to handover...don't be too emotional esp you"
he looked over to my direction...my mind was whirling again...
yes damn i was emotional...when he started to say that...
i already put up my hands and ask him to stop speaking...
coz tears were already blurring the images in front of me...
hot tears running down my cold cold cheeks...
i guess big brother was shocked to see me tearing...
he handed me a piece of tissue and i've gotten it all wet...
i cried and laughed at the same time...
seriously i have no idea what to say...
he looked at mummy and me and told us to keep the
department spirit up...keep those negatives thoughts out...
and keep the bond between teams stronger...
i silently cried...

mummy and i shook hands with big brother...
he said should anything happened just be prepared...
as he does not know when he had to go...
it was truly an honour to have work with him...
and then today, mummy told me he's not coming in...
yesterday HR has escorted him out of the company...
i really don't like how my HR treated those who have to leave the company...
like a prisoner they did with all those 'ecsorting'
my heart silently cried...i was distressed...
i have worked with him for four years...
and though i would like to 'exterminate' him at times...
he was the best 'senior' I had...
he was a rank above me but he never pull rank and
he acted more like a friend than a colleague...
ah i'm feeling sad again...
i'm not sure whether i should put on a smile and
work my way through today...

just now my manager called us up and
informed us seniors about big brother sudden leave...
i tried to hold up a strong front since big brother had kind of hinted...
but when i saw mummy started to cry...
i just could not help it and silently cried with her...
again tissues was passed around to me and mummy...
i guess my manager knew this thing is going to happen...
well we had to move on he said...but lets
appreciate all the work that he had done for the department...
coz apparently big brother leaving was due to his personal reasons...


today is such an emo day...
so needing a shoulder to cry on...
i need to take a nap...maybe i can cry on yoochun shoulders...
hahaha...shucks...really don't know whether ...
i should stay late and do my work today
or go home early...
i feel a bit disrupt...



**++There's too much saddness here++**
**++Things don't always happen the way you want them to++**